I’ve been struggling to sleep lately. Part is simply due to a noisier than usual environment, but most of it has to do with an unsettled mind.
Things have started stagnating again, and old anxieties have begun creeping in. What I’m doing now doesn’t seem to be working, so change is in the air. That change is a decision to finally brave a return to school.
I’m not sure if it’s because of a sense of failure or an unconscious form of masochism, but I’m going back to college. Naturally, when I finally fell asleep last night, I dreampt of sitting in high school classes.
I didn’t know how or why, but I enrolled in a local high school for a second time in the dream. I was under the impression that I had no choice, but didn’t know if my second diploma would count for anything.
It was accompanied by the old anxieties of wondering if I had everything I needed for class, remembering WHEN class was and getting lost on my way there.
It doesn’t take much interpretation to tell where all of those elements came from, or why the appeared in my sleep.
If things work out, I’ll be first going to a community college to finish the AA I had to walk away from years ago. Once that’s done, I’ll transfer to another school to earn my BA. At this point, that’s as far as I’m willing to go, but that can change, depending on my experiences.
Today, I registered for a Campus Visit Session for the school my sister, who also has dyslexia, attended.
I have to admit, I’m extremely nervous about this whole process. There’s no avoiding that with my post-secondary educational history.
Plus, there’s the funding needed, applications for FAFSA, hunt for scholarships and just generally trying to make enough money to get by while still keeping at the very least a passing GPA, plus maintaining my health and marriage.
I can do this.