HomedyslexiaOne, Two, Three…wait, where was I?
The scarf in progress and a couple of versions of the flower
I attempted to design. Still not happy with it. Horse pattern
is from here.

This week, I learned a new knitting technique called double sided knitting. This is how those scarves with an image in two colors on one side and the same image in reverse colors on the other is made. I’m reasonably sure it’s also how the scarves on Harry Potter were made, too.

To do it, you work off of a pattern drawn on a grid, so you can see how many stitches of each color you need to make.

One of the main problems my dyslexia gives me is keeping my place. Spreadsheets are a complete nightmare for me, and unless I print out the pattern and have a card to keep my place, so is this technique.

Another issue I have is with short term memory. Meaning, I don’t really have one, especially when it comes to numbers.

Enter the wall! This scarf is driving me up it, and I’m banging my head against it the whole way!

Of course, just as I was getting the hang of the technique, I run out of red yarn. I couldn’t find a perfect match, either, so I have the feeling I’m going to end up unraveling it and starting from scratch again.

In a lot of ways, I feel a bit like I did when I was in school. Back then, I felt trapped in a cycle of completely getting the lessons, but failing at tests when I didn’t have the accommodations I needed. I understood the material perfectly, but as soon as I sat down to take those horrible tests, I was reduced to a stupid mass of quivering jello.

I was almost to the point of success, only to be knocked back to the beginning again.

There was still a constant drive to at least pass, though. It wasn’t because I particularly cared about pleasing people by the time I hit high school, and more a desperation for achieving some sort of self worth.

That idea has lingered into adulthood, too. It’s nice to make people happy, but that’s not what drives me.

That’s part of why I want to get this scarf done to my satisfaction. Sure, I’ll be entering it into a contest, which is why I’ll probably just start it from scratch because of the yarn situation, but it’s gotten to a point where I just want to prove to myself that I can pull the image out of my head and put it in yarn.

As frustrating as this process is, I’m not beating myself up about it the way I did in school, though.

Now that I think about it, this situation highlights a hard learned lesson.

If you’re going to master something you’re passionate about, you need to do it because you truly want to, not because of pressure from anyone else.

As I’ve seen repeated over and over again, and as I’ve no doubt repeated over and over again, this idea should also be applied to general education. If a student is struggling, regardless of if they’re LD or not, mastering subject matter is more of a possibility if it can be related to something they enjoy doing.

In many cases, that passion can then lead them to a fulfilling professional life, regardless of how much they struggled in school.

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